what's been going on, we haven't heard from you, what are you doing, where are you going?

i haven't answered these questions because
they seem to call for big answers
answers that fit together
answers that make sense
and i don't have many of those.

but i do: have friends
who love me
who don't care if the answers fit together
or make sense.

so if you want an update, and you're ok with it being what it is
(which is: fragmented, emotional, ambiguous, incomplete)
(and i hope you are, because i am those things too)
keep reading.

in four days i will be 29.
i am... a lot of things... about that.

i graduated a few weeks ago.
i now have my master's degree in
transformative leadership.

i grew a lot in that program,
but more importantly, i learned
how to grow.

i learned that i have, in the past, let
fear
and
perfectionism
paralyze me
(far more than any abnormality on the 5th chromosome).

i learned how to let go of
needing to be perfect
for other people
and instead be
good enough
for myself.

i started the program as a chronic procrastinator.
i turned in my final papers and projects a few days early.

i came up against my body's limitations
and realized that
(by necessity)
i will have to be creative in crafting a life that is both
meaningful
and
financially comfortable.

speaking of money:
i got my first real paycheck since college last month.

after the white house responded to me via youtube,
i was contacted by a consulting firm doing work for the social security administration
around helping college graduates with disabilities find employment.
they liked me. a lot.
so now i am working with them.

it's very part time right now,
but the networking?
fantastic.

it has been difficult for me to acknowledge/accept that
i have something to offer
and
people want to hear my voice.
but i'm working on stepping into that role.

stepping into the grown-up, respected, healthy, responsible me.

because, let's be honest here:
sitting on my ass doing nothing,
eating government cheese,
isolating myself,
not feeling,
is so much easier.
it is familiar.
it is comfortable.

it is not what 95% of me wants anymore, but
the other 5% has been acting out through my body
giving me built-in excuses.
learning when to step back to take care of myself,
not because i'm hiding,
is hard.

i've had so much pain lately.
then i had a double ear infection (a really awful one)
migraines
wicked allergies
difficult menstrual cycles
tooth extractions (three, three days ago).

all of this is legitimate
but some is my body giving voice to my 5% coward.
so i'm learning to listen ever more carefully
to my body
myself.

i've been exceptionally angry lately.
deep, dark, old anger.
i'm listening to that, too.

going forward?
who knows, really.
i will stay on this path of
being present
and
looking inward and outward.

new challenges will arise, and i will face them.
new joys will arise, and i will delight in them.

what else is there to life?

Two weeks ago, President Obama hosted an online town hall dubbed Open for Questions, where questions were asked and voted on by the public. I posted a question via YouTube about the economics of disability.

In brief, I asked about how the administration is planning on addressing the needs of people with disabilities who are able and willing to work, but who do not for fear of losing the dependent-care health insurance and/or government assistance they currently receive. I also asked about the President's commitment to passing the Community Choice Act, as reliable, consumer-directed community living and transportation are necessary foundations for the employment of people with disabilities.

I am honored to report that Kareem Dale, the Special Assistant to the President for Disability Policy, has responded to my question on the White House blog! Watch his response, then read on for my thoughts.

So first: Kareem Dale! Answered my question! On the internet! I asked the White House a question, and the White House responded! To me! How freaking cool is that? I'll tell you: it's very cool.

I already thought that the town hall was a great first step towards holding the administration accountable to the people that gave it power (because, let's face it: no social networking, no President Obama). And now, having been chosen to get my question answered, I'm obviously even more on board. The geek in me celebrates.

The gimp in me? Meh. Listen, I ♥ Kareem Dale. I understand that these policy issues are so much more complex than anyone who doesn't have to deal with them could ever imagine. (And I can't begin to imagine the politics involved.) I get that this is not a popular time in some quarters to broach expanding entitlements, and that there is a vocal and powerful minority who will always oppose this stuff regardless of how much economic sense it makes. To some degree, that was my point in asking the question: to raise awareness amongst the non-disabled voting public that their tax dollars are being thrown away on people who would much rather be working. So just the fact that they highlighted my question is enough awesome for one day.

Kareem's answer? Vague and diplomatic... although I can sense that he as an individual gets it. What is there, really, to say? "Yes, under a single-payer system, people with disabilities will be able to work without losing guaranteed healthcare. Yes, we will sign the CCA the minute the Congress gets its act together and passes it. Yes, this is all on our website already." Did Kareem's answer rise to the wonky level of my dreams? No. But if it had, it would have gone right over the heads of the 99% of Americans who stand to benefit collectively, not individually, from these sorts of initiatives. Instead, he stayed with the talking points, using my question as a way of illustrating the benefits particularly of universal healthcare. So it's all good.

The takeaway:

• The White House's initiatives to open up our democracy via the internet rock. Here I am, a gimp blogger/grad student in my pj's, interacting with those who walk the halls of power. We may not be at 100% transparency, but the days of sending people to Washington and hoping for the best are obviously over.
• It's all about the policy, baby. Right now, that means supporting H.R. 676, the House version of universal healthcare introduced by the always-awesome Rep. Conyers. Politicians don't like to lose their jobs any more than anyone else, and midterm elections are just 18 months away. So contact your representative today, and let them know they should support national insurance or start shopping (and saving) for some private insurance of their own.

Thanks to everyone who emailed and tweeted me about this -- I've been sick (nothing too serious, no worries) and just braved my inbox this morning.

As many of you know. President Obama will be answering questions about the economy submitted at WhiteHouse.gov during a town hall event Thursday.

Here is the video I recorded (transcript after the jump). Please take a moment and go to the website to vote for it (search for "Community Choice Act").

TRANSCRIPT:

My name is Becky Blitch, Ms. Wheelchair Florida 2005. I am a 28-year-old graduate student.

I am quadriplegic due to a severe neuromuscular disability called spinal muscular atrophy.

I would love to be working, paying taxes, and contributing to the economic well-being of my community. But if I were to get a job, I would lose the health benefits I receive from the state and my father's employer, and I would likely not be able to afford my own private insurance, if I was even able to qualify.

There are millions of smart, dedicated Americans like myself who have disabilities or chronic illnesses who would go to work in a heartbeat if they knew they would not be jeopardizing their health by doing so.

In this time of economic crisis, our country cannot afford to force people who are able and willing to work to stay home and live off government benefits. Not only does this strip us of our dignity, it is simply bad economic policy.

I have two questions:

First, how would your healthcare plan affect the employment options of people with disabilities?
Second, the Community Choice Act of 2009, introduced Tuesday, would eliminate many of the financial disincentives to employment people with disabilities face. Will you support this legislation in Congress and sign it, should it pass?

Check out the end of this CNN.com article (google cache for posterity). Despite being written by the network's "Special Investigations Unit," the article literally relays "talking points" from the Department of Labor word for word, as if they were just copy-and-pasted. (They probably were.)

The fact that the article clearly identifies the talking points as such (rather than passing them off as actual reporting) only slightly mitigates how creepy I find this. Apparently CNN has picked up the role as government mouthpiece now that FOX is in the doghouse.

Yes, it was on BitTorrent 2 weeks ago, but if you didn't swipe it early or just like your music legal, go pick up U2's long-awaited new album for just $4 today. It rocks.

This semester I have the honor of taking a course with the incomparable Charlene Spretnak titled "The Eco-Social Vision." An interesting side-effect of our conversations (as a capstone to two years of complimentary multilogues at CIIS) is that, when I come across a discussion of postmodernism these days, I'm interested more in the modern than the postmodern. I suspect that after 10 years of postmodern-leaning higher education, I've experienced an interior paradigm shift, so that I no longer find postmodernism(s) frighteningly ambiguous, but rather, I'm astonished by the rigidity of modernism and the degree to which is continues to permeate our culture.

This post was inspired by the following snippet found on the blog of a gentleman coming from a clearly modern Christian perspective. The original source (lost to the ravages of time but not to the Wayback Machine) presents a more nuanced argument that a contemporary Christian church can be both "purpose-driven" (modern) and "emerging" (postmodern). These discussions are interesting to me as a seeker wrestling with my own angels, and as a scholar interested in the collective paradigm shift underway in our culture.

I wouldn't necessarily agree with all of the characterizations of postmodern faith presented below, and offering the viewpoints in pairs sometimes implies judgement through opposition. That being said, I do find it helpful to notice the differences between where we're going and where we've been -- particularly because modernism is still the dominant paradigm in American Christianity, which in turn has immeasurable effects on our government and civil society.

Postmoderns generally want to belong before they believe.
Moderns generally believe before they belong.

Postmodern understanding of truth: Does it work?
Modern understanding of truth: Does it add up?

Postmodern metaphor for faith: Journey.
Modern metaphor for faith: Decision.

Postmodern idea of discipleship: Am I moving in the right direction?
Modern idea of discipleship: Am I learning the right information? Doing the right things?

Postmodern idea of fellowship: Community is the end.
Modern idea of fellowship: Community is a means to an end.

Postmodern idea of evangelism: Incarnational, ask questions.
Modern idea of evangelism: Propositional, presentational, answer questions.

Source: St. Paul's Collegiate Church via Captain Collo

The image above comes from amaztype, a very cool application of Amazon Web Services. You give it a subject or an author, and it makes the actual search term out of the search results. So I searched for "creativity," and the app literally spells out that word with the books it finds about creativity. The visual effect is quite nifty, but it's functional, too -- you can zoom in and actually look at the results (and buy them from Amazon, should you wish). Kind of trippy, actually.

My friend Amy shared this hybrid prayer/affirmation/intention with me in Pacifica, and it spoke so deeply to me that I wanted to pass it along. Author unknown.

Today is the Best Day Ever

Today I give thanks in my heart for the opportunity to make a difference in the world.

I understand that I can build on yesterday's achievements and I accept that responsibility.

I know that within me is an amazing natural potential and that it is my birthright to manifest that potential.

I understand that this may be a subtle achievement recognized only by myself.

It may be in the smile I give to a stranger.

It may be in the peace I bring to the world. It may be in the love I allow to flow through my heart.

I understand that my mission is to bring all of my thoughts, words and actions into harmony with the life purpose that is encoded within me.

I therefore dedicate this day to the expression of that purpose.

I choose to live in harmony with my highest destiny. I choose to be the embodiment of my mission and I accept with a sense of wonder and gratitude the magic of Life which is here to help me.

I breathe the magic of Life's eternal love with every breath.

This truly is the best day ever. Amen.

Of all the moving words and sounds and images yesterday, it was Elizabeth Alexander's poignant poem that finally put me over the edge and got me bawling. I'm posting it here, because her words express everything I feel about yesterday better than I ever could.

Praise Song for the Day
Elizabeth Alexander, Inaugural Poet

Praise song for the day.

Each day we go about our business, walking past each other, catching each others' eyes or not, about to speak or speaking. All about us is noise. All about us is noise and bramble, thorn and din, each one of our ancestors on our tongues. Someone is stitching up a hem, darning a hole in a uniform, patching a tire, repairing the things in need of repair.

Someone is trying to make music somewhere with a pair of wooden spoons on an oil drum with cello, boom box, harmonica, voice.

A woman and her son wait for the bus.

A farmer considers the changing sky; A teacher says, "Take out your pencils. Begin."

We encounter each other in words, words spiny or smooth, whispered or declaimed; words to consider, reconsider.

We cross dirt roads and highways that mark the will of someone and then others who said, "I need to see what's on the other side; I know there's something better down the road."

We need to find a place where we are safe; We walk into that which we cannot yet see.

Say it plain, that many have died for this day. Sing the names of the dead who brought us here, who laid the train tracks, raised the bridges, picked the cotton and the lettuce, built brick by brick the glittering edifices they would then keep clean and work inside of.

Praise song for struggle; praise song for the day. Praise song for every hand-lettered sign; The figuring it out at kitchen tables.

Some live by "Love thy neighbor as thy self."

Others by first do no harm, or take no more than you need.

What if the mightiest word is love, love beyond marital, filial, national. Love that casts a widening pool of light. Love with no need to preempt grievance.

In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air, anything can be made, any sentence begun.

On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp -- praise song for walking forward in that light.

(Transcript from the NY Times)

The problem: I wanted to create an additional/alternative/extra RSS feed for a WordPress 2.7 blog that excluded posts with a given tag.

The reason there's not a straightforward way of handling this problem is because WP inexplicably doesn't offer any built-in tags/filters for excluding tags for a query the way it does with categories; plus there's no real built-in feed management to speak of.

The solution turned out to be remarkably simple, but it took about 2 hours of googling to figure it out (since "tags" and "rss" appear on every WordPress blog in existence). So I'm recording it here for any future searchers.

This is a two-step process: First you have to create the extra feed, then you have to modify its output. (Note: If you're looking to exclude posts with a certain tag from all of your feeds, this is not the place for you.)

Let's dive in.

1. Download, install, and activate Ephram Zerb's Feed Wrangler plugin using the usual methods. This is what we use to create additional feeds.
2. After activation, find Feed Wrangler in the Settings tab of your WP admin area. Use the form provided to create your feed.
   • Feed Slug is how you'll access your feed: depending on how your permalinks are set up, http://yoursite.com/feed/feed-slug/ or http://yoursite.com/?feed=feed-slug
   • For the purpose of this tutorial, let's call the new feed custom-feed, which will be accessed at http://yoursite.com/feed/custom-feed/
3. After adding your feed, the plugin will display the name of an optional template file under "Template Being Used." It'll be in the form of feed-custom-feed.php. Create a new file in your theme's directory with this name. For example: /wp-content/themes/your-theme/feed-custom-feed.php
4. Find the following file in your WP installation: /wp-includes/feed-rss2.php and copy and paste its contents into your new feed-custom-feed.php file.
5. Verify that your feed is working by navigating to http://yoursite.com/feed/custom-feed/. It should look precisely the same as http://yoursite.com/feed/
6. Now, we have to modify the feed. We do this by changing which items are pulled from the database to populate the feed. First, find the numerical ID of the tag you wish to exclude.
   • In your WP Dashboard, go to Posts -> Tags. Click on the tag you're excluding. The tag ID will be at the very end of the URL.
7. Open up your new feed-custom-feed.php template in your favorite text editor.
8. Find the line that reads < ?php while( have_posts()) : the_post(); ?> (line 34 in WP 2.7).
9. Replace that code (opening and closing php tags included) with the following code, where $tag is set to the tag ID you found above. After replacing the code, save your template and you're done!

< ?php 
$tag = "12";
$my_query = new WP_Query(array('tag__not_in'=>array($tag) ) );
while ($my_query->have_posts()) : $my_query->the_post();
?>

(Note: Be sure to remove the space in the opening PHP tag -- I had to put it there for formatting.)

If you're comfortable writing custom queries, you can go wild adding additional selectors; likewise, you could probably select multiple tags to exclude. But all of that is beyond the scope of what I need right now, and therefore beyond the scope of this post. /smile

Note: If you're using FF on a Mac to preview your feed, you'll need to force-reload the URL (command-shift-R) to see the changes. (This may be true of other browsers/platforms, as well.) Verify that it's all working correctly by checking your feed in a dedicated aggregator.

I hope this helps some poor soul wandering in the google hinterlands. Feel free to ask questions; I'll do my best to answer them.

Check this out: my dear friend MC, who lives in Portland and knows I've never seen snow, made this video just for me:

My friend Gena was one of the 27 electors chosen to represent Florida in the Electoral College. When she cast her vote for Barack Obama in Tallahassee on Monday, she was also one of the two openly gay electors -- the first in Florida's history. (The other was Chip Arndt, of Amazing Race and Florida Democratic politics fame.) Gena is an incredible woman -- she single-handedly started the Obama movement in Pinellas County in April, 2007. I'm proud to know her, and so glad to be represented by her in the Electoral College!

(Thanks to Towleroad for the pic!)